Everyday I can’t believe how much I love you. Your feminine face, your screechy excitement, your gummy smile and deep bellied chuckle. I am so lucky and can’t wait to replicate the relationship I have with my mum, with you. Despite knowing that I can have such an amazing relationship with you, having a daughter has always scared me. The thought of the feral teenager phase, the talking back, the doing stupid things, has petrified me to the point that I would have risked not replicating the amazing relationship I have with my mum because of who I was when I was a teenager.
So how do I help you be the best that you can be, how do I let you find yourself and not have you get lost in the process? I don’t know the answers, but I sure do think about it a lot. Is what school you go to going to make a difference? Can I at least partially measure the kids you hang around with by sending you to a certain school? Should I give you all the options of sport and music so that you may become so dedicated to one thing that distractions fall to the wayside? I have such high hopes for you yet I have no picture of my mind of who you might be. Only who you are now, and I love that you.
My mum always stood by me, by my crazy decisions, by my dedication to a million different things and my ever changing mind. Our moods and minds clashed, but we always got through it, and now I miss her if I don’t talk to her every day. I love her for how she raised me, and I hope one day you can say the same for me.
Despite my discrepancies and a teenager, I was always a good person and think that I have a pretty good perspective on the world. That is the best thing I can hope for you.
Be a good person Asher Mae, and people will be good to you.
Love Mum xx